Game School Dropout: Whining 101

Allow me, if you will, the opportunity to whine a bit.  Indulge me, please, if you can, so that I can have a chance to work this out of my system.  It has been a difficult process for me to get back into the routine of blogging now that I finally have time to do it again, and I am thinking that perhaps my problem is that I need to get this self-indulgence out of the way.  Thanks for your patience, I will try and keep it brief.

I am a game design school dropout.  Having spent a scarce few (although rather intense) weeks in school does not make me an expert on the state of game design education.  I know this is so true, yet somehow this wisdom has not prevented me from developing a mighty strong opinion on the matter in spite of the facts.  Even though my reasons for leaving school were 95.7% personal, and were the result of real-life issues wholly unrelated to anything having to do with game design, I find I have an increasingly nagging feeling about the state of game design education and how it reflects on the direction of the industry. 

In looking back on my brief experience as a student in pursuit of a Masters in Interactive Technology, Art Creation Specialization degree (ack, doesn't that sound so grand? - I just had to see it in writing one more time!)  I keep having the same question pop up over and over again.  Why is game design, and thus game design education, such a stressed-out affair?  Over the last few months I have been thinking it over, and I have a lot to say about the answers I have come up with, but first I need to cover a little ground (Read: here comes the whining).

There are two words that have stuck with me that best describe my experience at game design school: Boot Camp. The military model was obviously in the minds of the creators of the educational philosophy behind the program I attended.  Although none of the instructors resorted to calling us "maggots" and making us do push-ups, the over-all structure of the program was strict and grueling.  A few of the young men in the program even went out and got crew cuts the first week of classes, assumedly to free up the extra ten minutes a day they devoted to their hair, giving them an edge on the rest of us high-maintenance slaves to personal grooming. The reason for the long hours and sleepless nights required of the students was the expectation that these would be the conditions we would be working under once we had our industry jobs: they were training us for crunch-time.  As students we were treated like employees of the school (except we were doing the paying) and were given more work than we could reasonably complete and still have time for the luxuries of life like preparing meals and sleeping.  The feeling this gave me at the time was that if I wanted to be in 'this man's army', meaning, if I wanted to hold my own in the game design industry, I was going to have to be put through the wringer and prove that I would be able to survive in the trenches once I had an industry job.

Clearly, I did not pass muster.  The lingering and nagging thing about this for me is that this type of education favors the young and (dare I say it?) the male.  If what the game design industry needs in order to grow and prosper is diversity beyond the traditional nerd boy army that makes up its proud history, then maybe they need to rethink a few things so that the first ones to drop aren't the females or the grown-ups that are used to having a life (such as, say, myself) so that they can grow beyond that stereotype. Texturing, modeling, level design, programming game engines and AI are all hard enough already that there are not so many people with a talent for this field of study.  Do we really need to make this a battle of the sleep-deprived and the toxically caffeinated on top of all that?  What about that is good for game design?

I have more thoughts on this, that I will explore in more detail, hopefully without the whining, but I have gone on longer than planned already.  In the mean-time, your comments are greatly appreciated!

Comments

[tekanji]

That sounds... positively nasty.

I'm actually preparing to go to gamer college in Japan (no recognized schools in North America that I could find would allow me to study the overall design such as writing, producing, and directing) and so I'm curious to hear more about your experiences.

Right now I'm in a Japanese language school and it's pretty intense. Normal school hours are from 9am to 1:30pm, with four extra hours a week of elective classes. On top of that I've chosen to take five private classes a week. We have three month semesters with a two week break in between.

It's intense. It's stressful. And sometimes it feels like all I ever do is study Japanese. But at least the teachers understand that people aren't machines. Yes, we have intensive days. Yes, there is a lot of work to be done. But we also have "fun" lessons which let us put our knowledge into practice in a way that both reinforces it but also gives us a little bit of a mental break from the work.

Is it important to learn how to deal with crunch time? Of course. But it's also important to note that most work places aren't 24/7 crunch time -- and those that are generally aren't worth working for. To structure a school around the concept of crunch time seems... like not such a good idea.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I look forward to seeing the rest of the series.

[Guilded Lily]

Wow, I can't imagine having to learn another language on top of everything else. That's amazing!

As it was, I had classes 35 hours per week (mandatory attendance) then spent at least another 50 hours per week on homework - and I was STILL not getting my work done. Madness. And no time really for the kind of creative thinking that I was jazzed about - the stuff that would stretch the mold.

If there is any future for me in game design, it will have to be something indy, I imagine. Thanks for your thoughts, Tekanji. - GL

[Lake Desire]

Wow... that intensity definitely sounds biased against people with families, partners, other responsibilities--especially women who have to come home after all that university/training and pick up the second-shift with housework. I wonder if any of your male classmates had partners or family at home that were able to serve as "support crew" to get them fed and laundered and the like.

[100littledolls]

I have a hard time understanding why there are programs like you describe. And I think you are perfectly correct--these type of programs do privilege those in our society who don't have to work a second shift, or at least take on invisible or less respected responsibilities.

Lately I've been working 50 hour weeks and its been hard. There was another point in my life where I've worked 60 and I felt like a zombie of a person.

Your post doesn't read like whining at all, rather it sounds like someone recounting their experiences with some ridiculous expectations.

[Guilded Lily]

LD - Some of the students did have support at home, but many, like me, were on their own. There was a lot of unofficial chatter about the program being a relationship killer, which isn't hard to imagine. I was envious of those who had partners looking after their day-to-day needs while in school.

There certainly was no chance of having even a part-time job while in this program, and the expense of school on top of the loss of earnings was a big financial risk as well. The structure of this program certainly favors the young and unattached, if not the well-to-do. Thanks! - GL

[Guilded Lily]

100littledolls -

I did feel like one of the living dead while in school, and the most frustrating thing was knowing that I had so much more to offer that I never had the time or energy to explore. I expected it to be hard work, what graduate program isn't? Many people succeed in this program, but if the industry is sincere about improving their Quality-Of-Life image, perhaps they should look at the educational demands of boutique schools as well. The game industry designed and drove the program I was enrolled in, so if they are sincere about attracting workers from outside of the stereotype, perhaps this is a place to begin? Thanks! - GL

[John H.]

I wonder if any of the graduates of that program will ever design anything worth playing?

[Brinstar]

"The reason for the long hours and sleepless nights required of the students was the expectation that these would be the conditions we would be working under once we had our industry jobs: they were training us for crunch-time."

I think that this is one of the major down sides of working in the videogame industry (in game develpment, that is), and one of the reasons that the industry is skewed towards youth. Many of the people who want to have families and work sensible hours don't necessarily fit into the model. And it's still the case that there are so many young wannabes who will do anything to get in, even sacrifice their personal lives. People have passion in the industry, and I think companies take advantage of this.

[Twyst]

The thing that i dont really understand is what the school thinks it's responsibility is. You're there to learn, not to get your ass handed to you. Yes, crunch time occurs, but you are NOT making a game here, you are learning, they get their money by training you. How you deal with stress/crunch time int he 'real world' is your concern, not theirs. As well, they are breeding in the expectation of these conditions, and i dont really feel like that is acceptable. Just because 'that is what happens' or 'you wont be prepared' is silliness, and just perpetuates the negative situations that those in the game industry face. God forbid that timelines were created to actually allow for the creation of a game, and for people to actually have a real life. Grinding and feeling awful day in, day out cant be conducive to creative thought, and breakthroughs in the industry, it just fosters more EA type companies making nothing new, 'creating' the same thing over and over and over....

[Guilded Lily]

John -

Don't get me wrong - graduates of this program do very well in the industry. Job placement from this program is probably the best of any school out there, and students are getting placed into top game design companies.

My criticism of the program is actually a criticism of the industry standards - the school is giving them exactly what they are asking for, which is what I think the underlying issue is. It is a self-perpetuating process, and the structure for producing these students is likely responsible for eliminating the qualities necessary for real creative growth in the industry. - GL

[Guilded Lily]

Brinstar -

Yes - the underlying issue for me here is quality-of-life. It does take passion to learn the skills necessary for good game design, and that is a good thing to have going for you. But does it really need to be at such a high cost? I decided that I didn't want to sacrifice my health - the ultimate result of month after month of bad food and little sleep - as well as the chance to have even a small bit of a life outside of games - for the big paychecks they were dangling in front of our eyes.

I'm sure there is another way. - GL

[Guilded Lily]

Twyst -

You get at a lot of my gripe about this - and my basic concern - that this program would squeeze all of the creativity out of me in an attempt to make me fit the industry mold. Who knows if that would have happened if I had stuck with it, but my experience didn't suggest that there was a lot of room for the kind of expansiveness I hoped for from a master's program. - GL

[Twyst]

GL - i am really sad that you had this experience, all in all. I think the industry is lacking new ways of going about gaming, and the only people right now who can make those advances are those that have the luxury of time, money and already founded respect (like the Spore guy, Nintendo, etc.). It comes down to it being a shame. It's a shame that the schools think like this, and it's a shame that game companies do too. It's NOT okay to push a deadline. It's NOT okay to expect industry *PROFESSIONALS* (i mean, you dont even get treated like this for minimum wage -- it's FAR more regulated to work at McDonalds) to accept this.
I thought we might see a change after the whole EA Spouse situation, but i guess as long as people are driven by money instead of desire to create and be a part of the process, this is what we are going to see.

And it's sad.

[Kim]

Yes, game design school/classes definitely need diversity! And they need to calm down the workload and crunch time.
I'm a Digital Media student specializing in Internet and Interactive Systems, but I took a game design class this summer for fun and to fill one of my upper level classes. I was one of two girls in the class of 50+ students. This was rather intimidating. I felt that my professor and some of the guys in the class didn't take me or my ideas seriously, which aggravated the hell out of me. Luckily, I got on the World/Character/Story team for our game we were writing a Game Design Doc for, and I ended up writing most of the character races, backgrounds, and story lines. Guess a girl can have good ideas after all :)
The "preparation for crunch time" was ridiculous. My professor would purposely change things at the last minute so we would be forced to stay up all night working to get our work done before the milestone deadline. "This is the way it is in the real world! Time to separate the heroes from the rest of you. The heroes will get extra points on their grade." (Heroes being the ones who stayed up all night in the computer lab). If I had wanted to go into the game design industry, this probably would have turned me away from it.

[Guilded Lily]

Hi Twyst -

As someone who has done creative work all my life, I guess I just assumed that the lessons I learned about how you do your best work would be understood in game dev too. Creativity takes time, it needs a feeling of the possibility of expansiveness, and it thrives in the company of other equally creative minds. That's not to say that good creative work can't be done under deadline - boundaries are necessary and can be inspiring in their own way. I just feel like the chances of getting the best out of anyone under the educational circumstances I was in are pretty slim. I was making compromise after compromise with the work I was doing, and I didn't actually see an opportunity for me to explore my work at anything like my creative best. - GL

[chris r]

L Laughy, your experience reminds me of a number of the programs at CMU. I think it may be less game development-specific than you might think. I went for a BFA in Communication Design, but I had friends in Computer Science, Architecture, Theatre, Industrial Design, Electrical Engineering and other areas where technical job skills were being taught in school. Many of the universities/colleges that are teaching these actual technical skills for their field (as opposed to the more general curricula in a typical liberal arts education), have a boot camp-like, grinding work ethic. I think many of them see it as unethical to send you into the working world with anything less than that experience and expertise. Part of it is to weed out students and part of it is that you become used to it and more capable of handling it, so then you go out into the world as an alum of U of X with crazy working skills. These modern trade schools are in a bind themselves, however.

It's a reflection of the outside world. I'd argue that the professional environment is more crucial in shaping the educational environment than the other way around for disciplines like this. Creating a more reasonable, balanced, family-friendly professional culture is probably the only reasonable way to re-shape the educational culture. Right now, the schools are just trying to stay competitive and churn out alums that the industry will hire and laud.

[CosmicChaos]

I am an Engineer. My university undergraduate program for Engineering was EXACTLY as you describe the game design school. At my university you had to sacrifice your health, social graces, or became an alcoholic in order to make it through. Every graduating student paid a High price for their degree.

I personally sacrificed my health. 7 years later my health is forcing me out of Engineering. Was it worth the price?

Few people were able to do anything outside of school. Parents gave up their kids to their parents in order to attend. They only saw their children once or twice every 12 weeks. Those people had a really rough time with the program.

Engineering in the real world isn't always so nasty, but it can easily become so if you are naive and believe the boss when they say you have to work 24/7 for the next 6 months. The reality is Engineers and other employees have to say NO as a united front to keep from being abused. Hopefully the Game Designers will also learn to say NO. The sad thing is that people who work their life for the company rarely get any valuable returns for their effort. These naive people are really breaking themselves for no good reason.

[Sleem]

Excellent article. I really hope that you continue to pursue work in game design, indie or AAA, it doesn't matter. We need more women in the game industry. I'm rooting for you.

[lion-gv]

I wouldn't recommend those "game design" schools; especially if you are interested in game design proper. Most game designers recommend a well rounded education from a liberal arts university--knowledge of history, architecture, psychology, and so on is much more helpful for "designing" games. If you just want to be a hard working grunt churning out code or 3D models, then those schools might be a good place to get some skills in a two year timeframe... though that type of work is more easily outsourced to the developing world.

[Jonathan]

Lisa thanks for the perspective.

I went through much the same process in a Community College Visual Communications program and although I was fortunate that I did not have to work at the time or support a family, as an older adult with years of working experience I was offended by the attitude of the lead instructor that she was there mostly to teach "real world" work skills i.e. imposing arbitrary and unecessary deadlines (apparently aimed at the less motivated 18 year olds) at the expense of a solid grounding in the design process.

Unfortunately it's an open secret in the game design industry that the business and project management skills needed to succesfully design and manage projects without the need for insane hours and "crunch" time are skills that are lacking in most middle managers who rise up from the ranks.

As the old adage says, "if all you have for a tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail".

[Chris]

Games are inherently a complex domain for software development; that is, games are hard to make! And to fit these concepts into a neat timeline is going to be difficult for the early adopters because the educational program is new, so the curriculum might start out difficult at first.

If there was enough time, say a three year plan instead of two or even one, then there might be room to learn game programming or game design 'at your pace.' However, crunch time has to be acknowledged: it happens. (Of course, crunch time happens with business apps too, right? So how do those engineers handle it...?)

I refer you to this article about game programming:

http://theharbourfamily.com/jonathan/?p=76#more-76

Basically, if you can't love what you're doing in game development, maybe making games should just remain a hobby for you.

There are plenty of people who are willing to take your place. And that's as real as it gets.

Good luck in your future endeavors. And I praise your courage for coming out and dissenting to the 'status quo,' because it keeps all of us aware. Thank you.

[Kicker]

I want to know what school you enrolled in. I'm 2 months from graduating my game design program and while it was tough at times it was not as difficult as you made it sound. Granted there are a few 40+ y/o women in the program who can't keep up due to their personal lives. You really have to have a passion for this stuff, a die hard dedication, and for 90% of my classmates and yourself this just isn't the case. My girlfriend graduated from the program and she's now a character artist at Sony. You can achieve any goal you set out to do, just don't expect anything if you can't give the 100% this medium requires. Plus, only giving it a few weeks and then just quitting is pretty sad. I think more than anything you are giving women who are in school trying their best a bad reputation as quitters in the face of diversity. Stand up or get out and don't whine if you can't keep up!

[THP]

Having graduated from the school that I'm certain you are referring to, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but I feel you were rightfully culled out. I did fairly well even w/ family obligations. While the boot camp analogy is appropriate, I sometimes (both while there and now) wished less time was wasted and that I was pushed harder.

If game development is an art, than as an art it demands a great deal of dedication and a high priority in your life. The leisurely approach just feeds the production of more mediocre garbage.

One of the key lessons I learned was that creativity and innovation are great and to be encouraged, but when cash is king fine-art is quickly pushed aside for those who can get the job done.

In art vs. production, those who survived the school can do the later, those who thrived at the school can do both.

- That's why their student's do so well - it's what the industry needs.

[Peter]

I agree with Kicker 100%. Talent involves "getting things done" as much as any creative or technical input you can think of. The industry doesn't have a mechanism to deal with excuses. If you miss a milestone, you don't get paid, and possibly lose a lucrative contract. People get fired, they can't pay rent, can't eat, and end up in a dire situation.

Who would you rather have on your team? The person who can make 1 perfect model 2 weeks over schedule, or the person who can make 3 "good" models on time?

The industry knows the answer, and anyone expected to get hired should know it too.

[quickdraw]

The argument that the game industry should continue to work this way because it always has is silly. There is nothing in the process of making games that is so important that it requires a slavish dedication to your employer. This isn't heart surgery.

In addition this type of bootcamp mentality has a major drawback. It stifles innovation and rewards the hasty and the shoddy. If such a method was a reliable proven way of producing quality games then it might be worth it. Unfortunately I have played (or tried to play) a ton of published games and I'd say 75% of them were pure crap. Thats not a very good track record for an industry with such a highly trained workforce.

A happier healthier workforce with professional sensible management techniques will be a more profitable company in the long run. It doesn't matter what the industry is.