Guilded Lilies: About Comments

A recent post on Kotaku has been the source of a great deal of misinformation about one of my pieces on Guilded Lilies. The gross misrepresentation of my post in the anonymously posted Kotaku piece has created a lack of understanding among the fine readers linking in from that source and has lead me to do something I never expected I would have to do here on GL: to delete comments. I am all about communication, and my main interest in writing this blog is to create dialogue about the experiences of women playing games. I don't want to be put in the position of having to delete anyone’s comments, but I will do it if I feel the need. In the interest of better communication I have put together this guide to leaving comments on the GL blog. If you too are interested in joining in the dialogue, you can greatly reduce your chances of being edited out of existence by keeping the following things in mind when leaving your comments.

1. Avoid name calling, or other generally immature language in your comment. If it is something you can remember saying in Junior High then it's a good chance your comment won't make the cut. If you still are in Junior High, your chances aren't that good either.

2. Excessive use of ALL CAPS TO MAKE YOUR POINT will actually have the opposite effect. If you can't find a better way to express yourself, shouting online isn't going to help.

3. If you find your comment is longer than the original post, chances are you have entered into the "Get Your Own Damn Blog" category. Seriously, if you want to write that much, you need to do it on your own blog.

4. A sure sign of maturity is your willingness to take credit for what you have to say. Hiding behind your gmail address or other forms of online anonymity does not make me inclined to take you seriously.

5. Commenters with an actual web presence, be it website, blog or journal, get extra tolerance for bad behavior. If you are willing to back up what you say by owning it online you gain credibility.

6. I am the final word on what gets read in the comments section. You are welcome to disagree until the end of time if you like, but if you can't do it in a reasonable enough manner then you don't get to have your comments read. This is not a democracy, this is not a forum, this is my blog. If you are not happy about this, then see #3 above.

7. I don't have an endless supply of time and energy to respond to every detail that you address in your comments. If I don't think it is worthy of a response, it won't get one. If it is off topic, I won't respond. If I think you have completely missed the point, I won't even bother to try and point that out since you probably wouldn't get it anyway.

8. Ranting is boring to everyone but yourself. If you have a valid point to make it is not necessary to turn it into a rant. A valid point will carry its own weight.

9. The word to remember here is dialogue. My challenge to you if you disagree with me is to try very hard when leaving comments to engage me in a dialogue about it by avoiding the above pitfalls. This is the best kind of comment in my estimation, and the one that will get the most attention on Guilded Lilies.

10. Finally, I would like to stress that this is a blog about grown women playing computer games. If you are not one of those, then chances are you see things differently. If you are of the male persuasion, chances are pretty good you see things quite differently. My goal is to create dialogue - I would rather not argue with someone about differences that are obvious. Men and women have a different outlook - you are not going to convince me that yours is more right any more than I am going to convince you that mine is more right. I would much rather find a common ground than arguing with you about why you disagree with me.

I am not interested in being a tyrant about this; I will make every effort to avoid removing comments whenever possible. If you have had a comment removed feel free to try again to make your point in a more civil manner. I will only permanently block the most heinous and obnoxious among you - that and of course, spammers.

I look forward to your comments. Thanks for reading the Guilded Lilies blog.

UPDATE: April 11, 2005.

I'm not sure how I possibly left this one out!

11. Please be sure that you have actually read the post you are commenting on. Any comment that doesn't express a familiarity with the original post is in danger of being removed.

In creating the Guilded Lilies blog I have as one of my main goals the desire to create dialogue among grown women who play computer games. I by no means expect nor want only women as readers of the blog, but I do feel that what I have to say about computer games will speak most directly to women. As the readership for the GL blog has grown there has been an influx of male readers commenting on my pieces. Dialogue is good. Comments and opinions are all good. Communication between women and men about computer games; that's priceless.

One thing I simply must mention here about what I write is that sometimes guys, it's just not about you. There is this irresistible tendency among men, especially if they aren't quite getting what I have to say, to try to turn things around and make it about them. For example, I may be writing about sexism in female character design, and I will receive comments that men feel insecure about big muscled male characters. This may be true, this may be a larger issue for men playing computer games, but when I am writing about what it means for women playing computer games, I don't want to have to turn around and make it about men. Men OWN the computer game industry at the moment, and if they are oppressing themselves, I don't see that as something I need to address - especially since there are so many things I have to say about issues affecting women playing computer games. (Besides, THIS is where muscle-building will get you in the end.)

Please don't take this the wrong way; I do want to hear what men have to say as well as women about issues affecting women and computer games. I want to have discussions with men too about these issues because it is an industry still primarily run by men. I feel such discussions hold the potential of making a shift in perceptions about these issues, hopefully making for better games for us all. But I don't have the time or the energy to write equally about how these issues may affect men. There are boat-loads of blogs and websites about gaming that are all about the male perspective already. Don't expect me to do the same thing here.

If you have something to say about what I have written, please, leave a comment. That is the whole point of blogging after all. You may think what I have to say about women and games is stupid, and I may think what you have to say about it is stupid too. If you agree, if you disagree, it's all interesting to read. But please, for the sake of good dialogue, just remember guys, that sometimes it's just not about you.